My brother Brian was brave enough to go to the Dark Caves of the Batu Caves. I heard that there were bugs and stuff, so I was like, naw, that’s that I’m NOT going to do. Here is his story.
The Batu Caves, located just outside Kuala Lumpur, is an ancient limestone outcropping created millions of years ago by an ancient river slowly eroding solid rock to create massive caverns. Bats use sound to communicate, so in honor of them I’ll do the same and present the lyrics to my song entitled:
The Batu Caves: Rocks and Roaches
By Brian Hood
Describing the awe of Batu would take too long,
And since the soul of wit is brevity I’ll do it in a song.
First they hand you a flashlight and a yellow hat that’s hard,
Because the pros of the cave think all tourists are retards.
You venture inside, thinking you’re Indiana Jones,
Armed with a water bottle and a fancy camera phone.
The lovely tour guide then tells you all about the caves,
Like the stray dog that lives there and the mess humans made.
“What mess you talking about?” I was curious to know.
“How could we ever ruin a place with cockroaches running past my toe?”
She told us some stupid American did something she despised,
Accidently bringing over some roaches that soon multiplied.
Then she told us about the bats, hence the name of the place,
“Please, don’t open your mouth. The bats might shit in your face.”
Yep, there was more poop than that girl from Precious has girth,
How much you ask? 250,000 bats worth.
Next she showed us large formations of hanging stalactite.
Didn’t think I could find a word that rhymes with that, huh? Stalagmite!
They were sparkling and white, made from minerals in H2O,
That drips down the cave, dries up, and leaves it’s minerals to grow.
It was mind-numbing to learn they took a million years to make,
Taking your time to do something (like write for Sherri’s blog), yeah I could relate.
We all turned off our lights, to get a view of perfect dark.
The contrast of sight and blindness are awfully stark.
The tour guide said this is what it was like eons ago.
I said, “No lights, a bunch of roaches? This is just the ghetto.”
As we made our way out, it hit me like a wave,
How many people on Earth will ever experience this cave?
The Travel Channel does it no justice, to believe you must see,
Unlike Sherri and Simish who were too afraid to go in with me.
Brian Hood is a recent Master, graduating from Tisch Asia. He dreams of being a screenwriter, but is enjoying unemployment at the moment, traveling around, until he lands in LA.